[ISN] [Satire] Survey: Majority of Web Users are FBI Agents Posing as Teenage Girls

From: William Knowles (wkat_private)
Date: Mon Jun 25 2001 - 02:00:40 PDT

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    NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com)  The Internet reached a demographic
    milestone this week as a new study revealed that for the first time,
    the majority of U.S. Internet users are FBI agents posing as teenage
    The report, by research firm Media Metrix, marks the first time the
    demographic group known as "males" has not been in the majority.
    According to the survey, which tracked online usage from January
    through July, 50.4 percent of U.S. Web users -- or nearly 38 million
    -- are FBI agents posing as teenage girls. That's still below the
    percentage of FBI agents posing as teenage girls in the overall
    population, which according to U.S. Census figures is 55.7 percent.
    However, the report noted that FBI agents posing as teenage girls
    represent the fastest growing segment of Web users, increasing 185
    percent in the past 12 months.
    "This study reveals that the Internet has come of age as a practical
    medium and is no longer dominated by the male techie crowd," said
    Randall Stinson, editor of American Demographics magazine. `These
    newcomers are saying, 'The Internet is about more than being a geek.
    It's about shopping and staying in touch with family and posing as a
    little girl to apprehend geeks.'"
    Web sites catering to teenage girls corroborated the findings. "At
    least half" of Gurl.com's 1.3 million unique monthly visitors are FBI
    agents posing as teenage girls, said Gurl.com spokesperson Helen
    Kattrall. "It's easy to tell the difference," she said. "Real teens
    chat with each other about boys and school and celebrities. But FBI
    agents posing as teenage girls are never interested in girl-talk. They
    tend to write things like, 'Hi, I'm Emily. I'm almost 13, and I'm
    looking for a father figure willing to cross state lines.'"
    In a statement, the FBI disputed the study's findings and insisted its
    agents are not working on that many cases. However, the bureau
    conceded it cannot rule out the possibility that some agents are
    posing as teenage girls in their free time.
    In other survey findings:
    * More than 60 percent of female respondents say cybersex is
      equivalent to infidelity, but a staggering 92 percent of FBI agents
      posing as teenage girls approve of cybersex as long as it leads to
      an arrest and conviction. 
    * Nearly one third of pedophiles say they actually go to teen sites in
      hopes of meeting FBI agents. 
    * Four out of five men say they watch women's gymnastics and figure
      skating for the athleticism. Nine out of ten women say they are
    "Communications without intelligence is noise;  Intelligence
    without communications is irrelevant." Gen Alfred. M. Gray, USMC
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