http://www.madcowculture.com/madcow-00088.html A Playground for the War-Weary 12 Nov 2001 By Mad Cow Culture (madcowcultureat_private) Eurekistan will not become the 194th member of the United Nations. The country, folded into the northeastern neck of Afghanistan and Pakistan, has a higher GDP than Somalia, a better literacy rate than Finland, and more hotel rooms than Breezewood, Pennsylvania. That is apparently not enough for the United Nations, which said Eurekistan lacked a number of assets civilized nations need. These include: a standing army, a degree of racial, religious and ethnic unrest, and a profitable trade in arms exports. Eurekistan's Prime Minister Mohammed Smith, a former manager of client services for Euro Disney, counters that "we are interested in building a nation that does not need guns and ethnic unrest to fuel the economy." He believes, to his dismay, that Muslim member countries of the UN General Assembly joined together to block Eurekistan's request for admission. ""I think my brothers do not fully understand the Charter of my country which is dedicated to peace, joy, and wholesome family entertainment. There is nothing un-Islamic about our business practices. We encourage family members to come here on a kind of pilgrimage of fantasy." Despite Smith's proclamations, Eurekistan is as much a business as a country. The genesis for the idea came from Saudi Prince Abdullah, who thought the war-ravaged region would be well-served by a version of Euro-Disney that would be acceptable to fundamentalist Muslims. The Prince suggested the idea to Disney which quietly provided technology and sophisticated animation software to get the business off the ground. The Prince, who provided the investment capital, saw Eurekistan as a kind of Orlando for war-weary families, freedom fighters and terrorists who wanted to get away from the front lines. Prince Abdullah purchased a rock-strewn plain, about the size of Monaco, from the Taliban who were short on revenue because poppy production was down. The Prince then built a theme park, thousands of hotel rooms, dozens of mosques, and a scattering of paradise oases for dignified lounging. The rides are very sedate and proper, reflecting various scenes from the Scriptures including "A Ride with Noah," "A Walk through the Red Sea," and "A Trek Up Sinai." After each ride visitors relax in tree lined settings which include rivers of honey and maidens who serve fresh fruit. Smith argues that the theme park and accommodations are consistent with Muslim piety and decorum. He suggests his brethren lighten up and be more sensitive to people's needs in the here and now. "I want to remind my people of their rich and complex ancestry," he told the Pakistan Gazette, an English language daily. "We invented the number system. The word "algebra" is of Arabic origin. Islamic thinker and philosophers contributed to the flowering of Western and Eastern cultures. So we have been firmly anchored in the sensate world. But we have been taken down a dark corridor" "I want to remind my brethren that we are also the product of Rumi, the mystic poet, and a Muslim. Eight hundred years ago Rumi celebrated the ecstatic body and wisdom that exists beyond religions." But Mohammed Smith appears to be a realist and plans to make adjustments at the Eurekistan Islamic Theme Park. "I get complaints from fundamentalists is that this park is too airy, bright, and joyful; that it doesn't reflect the dark and forbidding side of the culture. The Taliban even suggested that only night-time joy rides should be acceptable." To satisfy his various constituencies Smith plans to add a Hell Pavilion where visitors can actually torture condemned unbelievers played by very responsive dummies. Children will be encouraged to take part in this activity. Smith will also add a Shooting range where visitors can shoot, bomb, or bazooka an enemy of choice. The clamor is for American targets, but he is trying to resist the call. "After all," he notes, "I also expect Muslim Americans to visit our country." Ironically, once he made his intentions clear, UN General Assembly members have signaled that Eurekistan might be favorably received as a new member. But this will have to wait until the UN completes its session on Fighting Terrorism. Apparently Saudi support made all the difference. Prince Abdullah denies saying that the war in Afghanistan will be good for business. ### This article written by Mad Cow Culture (madcowcultureat_private). ------------------------------------------------------------------------- POLITECH -- Declan McCullagh's politics and technology mailing list You may redistribute this message freely if you include this notice. Declan McCullagh's photographs are at http://www.mccullagh.org/ To subscribe to Politech: http://www.politechbot.com/info/subscribe.html This message is archived at http://www.politechbot.com/ -------------------------------------------------------------------------
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