FC: RIAA wants background checks on CD-RW buyers (humor)

From: Declan McCullagh (declanat_private)
Date: Sat Nov 02 2002 - 09:28:42 PST

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    From: "D McOwen" <dmcowenat_private>
    To: "Dave Winer" <webmasterat_private>, "Declan" <declanat_private>
    Subject: RIAA Wants Background Checks on CD-RW Buyers
    Date: Fri, 1 Nov 2002 21:02:30 -0500
    Hi Declan & Dave,
    Thought you might like some humor on a not so funny subject.
    Dave McOwen
    Technology News
    Monday  October 29 10:52 PM EST
    RIAA Wants Background Checks on CD-RW Buyers
    Washington DC - The RIAA is lobbying for vendors of CD-RW drives to conduct 
    background checks and require a 3 day waiting period before the drive can 
    be sold.
    The extensive background check would include cross referencing credit card 
    numbers with local merchants sales logs looking for purchases of 
    dual-cassette decks between the years of 1980 and 1987. It would also 
    include checking for installation of file sharing software, knowledge of 
    the Internet, and the ability to hum. Any of which would bar the purchaser 
    from receiving his drive.
    "A CD-RW can be a dangerous weapon when it falls into the wrong hands," 
    said RIAA President Hilary Rosen, "You wouldn't sell a gun to a convicted 
    felon and you shouldn't sell a CD-RW drive to a Gnutella user. The 3 day 
    waiting period gives us time to verify that no copyrighted material is on 
    the purchasers hard drive and to make sure they have a membership in the 
    Columbia House CD club."
    Current owners of CD-RW drives would be required to obtain a license for 
    use of the drive or face stiff fines. Licenses could be obtained by 
    enrollment at a local RIAA Education Camp where the horrors of copyright 
    violation would be instilled with the use of electro-shock therapy.
    "I was alarmed when I heard that children had the ability to burn CDs right 
    on their computers," said Senator Strom Thurmond, "We've tried to educate 
    parents on the dangers of children playing with fire, and now these death 
    merchants sell them that ability in a shiny metal box." Other Senators 
    voiced their concerns about the possible violations of privacy in the 
    proposed legislation, but since it was called the Copyright Patriotism Act 
    they are unable to oppose it.
    "The RIAA has gone too far this time. There are uses for CD-RW drives that 
    don't violate RIAA copyrights like burning multiple copies of Microsoft 
    Office for friends and neighbors," said Matthew Sodor an opponent of the 
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