FC: Hilarious: Kentucky bill declares war on gambling riverboats

From: Declan McCullagh (declanat_private)
Date: Thu Mar 28 2002 - 17:10:16 PST

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       HR 256 (BR 2906) - T. Burch
            Encourage the purchase of a submarine to patrol the waters of the
       Commonwealth and search and destroy all casino riverboats.
            Mar 25-introduced in House
            Mar 26-to House Floor
    A RESOLUTION encouraging the purchase and vigorous use of the USS
    Louisville 688 VLS Class submarine.
    WHEREAS, in the past few years the scourge of the casino riverboat has
    been an increasingly significant presence on the Ohio River; and
    WHEREAS, the Ohio River borders the Commonwealth of Kentucky; and
    WHEREAS, the siren song of payola issuing from the discordant
    calliopes of these gambling vessels has led thousands of Kentucky
    citizens to vast disappointment and woe; and
    WHEREAS, no good can come to the citizens of Kentucky hypnotized from
    the siren song issuing from these casino riverboats, the engines of
    which are fired by the hard-earned dollars lost from Kentucky
    Be it resolved by the House of Representatives of the General Assembly
    of the Commonwealth of Kentucky:
     Section 1.  The House of Representatives does hereby encourage the
    formation of the Kentucky Navy and subsequently immediately encourages
    the purchase and armament of one particularly effective submarine,
    namely, the USS Louisville 688 VLS Class Submarine, to patrol the
    portion of the Ohio River under the jurisdiction of the Commonwealth
    to engage and destroy any casino riverboats that the submarine may
    Section 2.  The House of Representatives does hereby authorize the
    notification of the casino riverboat consulate of this Resolution and
    impending whoopin' so that they may remove their casino vessels to
    friendlier waters.
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